


how the music can free her whenever it starts

by Sharken (orphan_account)



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Hope's Peak Academy (Dangan Ronpa), F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Little Black Dress 2020, Maki really needs a hug, but a bit of fluff for flavor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:07:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25074355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Sharken
Summary: Maki has always been alone. Kaede tries to change that, and in the process, changes everything.(Or: 5 times Kaede is there for Maki, and one time Maki is there for her)
Relationships: Akamatsu Kaede/Harukawa Maki
Comments: 11
Kudos: 78
Collections: Little Black Dress Exchange 2020





	how the music can free her whenever it starts

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Coffin Liqueur (HP_Lovecats)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HP_Lovecats/gifts).



> Heya! So, I am Kaede/Maki trash and I saw Kaede on your assignment and was so happy. This idea just kind of came to me and refused to let go until I wrote it down, and it ballooned from a short-ish, maybe 4k fic, to this monstrosity. So, hope you enjoy! 
> 
> (Credit, of course, to The Lovin' Spoonful for the title)

**1.**

Maki Harukawa, dressed in her traditional red sailor uniform, sat at her gray lunch table at the back of the Hope’s Peak Academy cafeteria, quietly eating her meal. She was alone. 

Which was unsurprising, because Maki had been alone for a long time.

That idea was rather ironic she thought- the concept that being alone was ever something that the Ultimate Child Caregiver had to deal with. But, well, the appellation had always been a bit deceptive to begin with. After all, she’d honestly never been particularly close with children- in fact, she always found them rather aggravating. They could be incredibly high-maintenance, demanded attention constantly, cried over the slightest thing… it was honestly, to Maki, rather maddening, to the point that on the worst days they’d make her tug at her hair until one of the scrunchies snapped out of place. The fact was, she could never really connect with kids on some deep emotional level the way that some caregivers could.

However, she supposed that she made up for that with the sheer amount of effort she poured into every task, without fail. She was supposed to take care of these kids, so take care of them she would, or die trying. Maki had discovered that sometimes you didn’t truly need to connect deeply with these kids on that deep emotional level to get results, as long as you had an adequate amount of devotion to your duty and the need to brute force your way through. (She suspected a certain Ultimate Maid would probably appreciate her making this observation quite a bit.)

Yet, Maki had found that she had had even more difficulty connecting with people her own age. But it was hardly her fault. People basically immediately jumped into cliques at the beginning of the school year. And Maki? Well, Maki wasn’t a clique sort of girl. In fact, she despised the way that people would group up and talk insipidly about nonsense, and gossip with each other like the other person wasn’t listening; like the person couldn’t hear them, and didn’t understand that they were in fact a target of their idle chatter. It was simply just not something she’d ever been interested in. 

It always tended to be about her anyway.

She had quickly obtained a reputation, she supposed- the surly girl who was always alone. And honestly, that largely suited her just fine; she was as she was, and things were as things were. She could hardly upend the social order, and she wasn’t inclined to completely change herself to appeal to total strangers. 

Thus, being alone at meals was just a fact of life, and she’d grown accustomed to it. 

And so she sat in the back of the cafeteria, people talking all around her. The Hope's Peak Academy mealroom was large, but there were enough students to still fill much of it when it got busier. The meaningless chatter of the people surrounding her was a sort of buzzing white noise that felt comfortable- soothing in its own way, or so she’d convinced herself. Always talking around her, talking to everybody else, never to her.

Which made it a surprise, when someone came walking over with a wide smile. And was looking at her- not at the girls at the table nearby, not at the patio window to her left, but at _her_. 

The person in question was a girl, who looked to be around Maki's age. She had blonde hair that rolled down her neck and seemed to just about reach her shoulders, and was wearing a kinda-pink kinda-white dress shirt, complete with an orange tie. She had bright plum eyes (framed by quite visible eyelashes) that twinkled in the sunlight from the window nearby, her lips curled upwards in a tentative smile. Plum eyes met red for a moment, as the two stared at each other, seeming appraising the other carefully. Then the blonde girl chose to speak.

“So, hey! I’ve noticed you’re always sitting here by yourself. And you kinda look lonely. Do you want to have lunch with me and my friend?” She asked. She was still smiling, her white teeth gleaming in the sunlight. 

Maki was caught off guard for a moment, but she only took a second to recover, sipped her Oolong tea, gave the girl a dry glare, and shifted her expression into a frown. “No. Let me eat.” 

The few times someone approached her that was usually all it took- a bit of “encouragement” and the other person would feel the sting of rejection (though it wasn’t like she cared), and they would immediately back off. The girl (and it was always a girl) would return to her clique and go back to babbling with them about inane nonsense. All for the best, honestly. 

But, no. This one persisted, strangely enough. “C’mon!” Her red lips curled into a pout that a lot of people would find rather endearing. Maki didn’t, obviously. 

“I said no. Now leave me alone.” She added additional aggression to her voice, making it almost a growl. She upped the glare. She stabbed a piece of steak with her fork, and started to eat it, adding a subtle ferocity to her chewing that she hadn’t even intended.

But the other girl didn’t seem intimidated- simply continuing to stand rimrod straight in front of her. Maki was a mere 5’3” and this girl was clearly a few inches taller even when Maki was standing; the way this new girl towered over her honestly made her feel incredibly uncomfortable. It made her feel vulnerable. 

The other girl sighed, her blonde hair shaking with her head’s motion. Her little cowlick on the front flipped around with it in a way that Maki would never admit that she found bizarrely endearing. “C’moooon.” She said again, as though extending the word would cause Maki to have a total change of heart. Shockingly, it didn’t. Maki’s frown deepened.

“Listen, I know you don’t actually care about me. You just want to add someone else to your little circle. It doesn’t really matter who.” She gestured with her right arm at the tables of kids gabbing around her to punctuate her statement. 

She hadn’t meant to be this direct, but if it got this girl to go away, so be it. “I don’t want to giggle with you and your gaggle of friends about cute boys or what some random classmate does in her spare time. I want to eat. So let me.” 

The already aggressive tone to her words was becoming sharp and whip-like at this point; she could almost hear the crack at the end of each sentence. She didn’t have a physical advantage, but perhaps she could push the other girl away verbally. 

The blonde girl quietly muttered something under her breath and quickly nodded confidently to herself, as though coming to some kind of conclusion. A wrong one, probably. Her smile returned. “Okay. What if I don’t want to do any of that with you?” A wide smile returned to her face as she uttered a rather transparent lie. 

“You do. So it’s not like this hypothetical matters.”

“I swear I don’t!” Her lips shifted back to a pouty frown for a second, before seamlessly morphing back to her smile. She sounded weirdly sincere. “Listen, all you have to do is join me and my friend at our table. If you end up wanting to leave, I’ll let you go and never bother you again. Sound fair?” 

She tilted her head. Her voice had a strange, pleading quality to it at this point. This might be her last attempt- if Maki rejected her, she was almost free to be alone once again. 

And, yet, the offer sounded reasonable to her. A little, soft, traitorous voice in the back of her head asked her what she really had to lose. She could leave if things got too banal, and the status quo would just reassert itself. After a moment’s thought, a moment under the girl’s watchful (and hopeful) gaze, she nodded. Her head moved up and down rather stiffly, as though the motion were unfamiliar. 

The blonde girl clapped, seemingly re-energized by Maki’s reticence giving way. She began by attempting to grab Maki’s hand, but Maki quickly jerked it away.. She didn’t want to be touched. 

The blonde girl tilted her head in confusion, but refused to let this deter her. She guided Maki past a couple tables of students, and led her to a small lunch table a few feet away, where the only other occupant was a boy their age- from her class, as she recalled. His head and face was largely obscured by a black cap, but its tip was darting this way and that as he rotated his head furiously, seemingly wary of attention that no one aside from her and her abductor were even giving him. Strange kid, Maki thought. 

“Oh… you’re back, Kaede.” The boy said hesitantly, glancing at Maki. “And… you... brought her?” His voice was full of hesitant pauses, as though he was carefully considering every word.

“Yep!” The girl- Kaede evidently- responded cheerfully. “Took a bit of cajoling, but things worked out in the end!” She sat down on the boy’s side of the lunch table, and Maki sat on her opposite. The more distance she created between her and the pair, the quicker she could get away. She quickly looked back down at her lunch, averting her gaze from either of them.

She heard the sound of Kaede snapping her fingers. “Wow, I never even introduced us, did I? God, I can be such a space cadet sometimes. I’m Akamatsu Kaede, the Ultimate Pianist. And this is Saihara Shuichi, the Ultimate Detective.” Maki heard Saihara mumble something that sounded like an assent.

Oh, right, Maki had honestly forgotten that they even had an Ultimate Detective in their class this year. Though snippets of conversation about the boy were coming back to her now. If she recalled correctly, he wasn’t even a Kirigiri or a friend of the family, which, given the school’s tendency toward blatant nepotism, definitely spoke well to his abilities. His demeanor could use work, though. A lot of work. 

“Harukawa Maki, Ultimate Child Caregiver.” She said back in return, her tone carefully guarded. 

Maki gazed up and saw Akamatsu nod and turn to Saihara. “Alright! Now that we’re all introduced... you were telling me about that case with the businessman that you were investigating, right, Shuichi? Can you go over the whole thing from the beginning, to fill Maki in?” 

Maki thought about protesting about how familiar Akamatsu was being with somebody that she had just met... but decided that she'd just let it go. That just seemed to be the kind of person Akamatsu was.

Saihara nodded, the awkwardness in his voice and mannerisms disappearing- giving way to a slightly surprising, and a great would probably say inappropriate, enthusiasm. He swiftly pushed up his black cap so that his dark green eyes were visible, and, yep, they were gleaming in a way that a great deal of people would _definitely_ say was inappropriate. “Oh, sure! Yeah. So, there was this foreign businessman- Cornwall was his name. He had been hanged on a noose, so it looked like a suicide right? But then…”

The boy spent roughly five minutes breaking down the basics, and then talked about how the victim had seemingly prepared a meal right before his death, and the other circumstantial evidence that led him to believe it was murder. 

Maki slowly ate more of her meal as Saihara talked, but was listening carefully. The noise around her had dulled, and she had shifted her gaze to Saihara, admittedly captivated by every word. She didn’t necessarily have a massive degree of interest in the macabre, but Saihara’s enthusiasm in telling the story was surprisingly infectious. She couldn’t help but be drawn into the tale as he broke things down, carefully describing every aspect in minute detail; she could almost imagine herself at the crime scene- slowly puzzling over the myriad clues and slowly gathering evidence that lead to her deductions. 

When he was finished with his story Saihara darted his eyes away from the pair. “I-I’m a bit surprised that you’re… this into the story.” He confessed. “Y-You know, not that many people take that much of an interest in my work... I know Kaede is just… doing it to be polite.” 

Akamatsu immediately shook her head, that cowlick of hers’ bobbing back and forth again in protest. “Your job is fascinating Shuichi!” This had a ring of insincerity to it, and the laugh she gave afterwards was just a little too high-pitched to be natural. Not surprising- murder most foul, and crime in general, didn’t seem like it’d be Akamatsu’s bag. 

“And, I mean... you always listen to me blab about my piano stuff. It’s only fair.” She spoke those words carefully and much more quietly, while scratching the back of her head afterwards, seemingly a little embarrassed. 

Now this rang true, but it still was a bit of a surprise to Maki. In her experience, people tended to cut others off the moment the conversation turned to something that didn’t fascinate them. All this was very new. 

“Anyway!” Akamatsu suddenly shifted the topic, pointing to Maki’s tray. “I can see that unlike us, Maki isn’t on Team Fish!” She said playfully. 

Maki blinked in confusion for a moment, before looking at her companions’ trays. It was true- Saihara had a (still rather large) slice of cooked salmon on his plate in addition to some assorted vegetables, while Akamatsu had the scattered remnants of some breaded scallops. This was in stark contrast to Maki’s tray of cubed steak. 

Maki took a long swig of her tea. “Obviously. Red meat is richer in protein.” 

“Perhaps, but the flavor makes up for it!” Akamatsu declares, pointing at Maki just a tad over-dramatically. 

“Listen,” Maki began, her tone dry. “If I wanted something dull and tasteless, I’d munch on saltines.” Maki proceeded to roll her eyes.

The conversation continued like that until the bell rang, mostly about various things that were inane and, strictly speaking, didn’t matter. But Akamatsu demanded that Maki return the next day, for whatever reason, and for whatever reason, Maki found herself complying. 

And then she complied the next day. And the next. And the time after that. Soon a couple weeks had passed, and she realized that she’d gone back to that exact table and eaten with the exact same people without fail, every single day. 

The topics up for discussion would range from the interesting to the more pedestrian. Setting aside Saihara discussing his cases, they ranged from the latest pranks Ouma had played (typically on an unsuspecting Iruma Miu), to the new piano pieces that Akamatsu was learning, to whatever classwork had been assigned that day. 

Aside from when Saihara was enrapturing Maki with his tales, Akamatsu was the one that would dominate the conversations. Akamatsu continually propelled the conversation forward, a bit like a conductor carefully leading an orchestra, trying to get everyone involved with a sort of enthusiasm that Maki was shocked she was able to sustain. She would move seamlessly from topic to topic, continually bringing the two into the conversation as much as possible. Maki would chime in occasionally, when the mood struck her, and she had to admit that the brilliant, beaming grin on Akamatsu’s face whenever she participated almost made it worth it in itself. Almost. 

She didn’t even seem remotely disheartened when Maki would only make a token effort. It was honestly a bit fascinating. 

Maki had at first been continuing to attend out of morbid curiosity, by and large. It wasn’t like she had anything better to do during meals, in all honesty. However, soon it went beyond that. When questioned about it by either of the two, she quietly griped about how Akamatsu would simply badger her to come back if she stopped joining them, but the fact was that her attitude had changed. 

She gradually realized that talking about things with Akamatsu and Saihara was just… fun. Akamatsu made conversations engaging and actually enjoyable to participate in (not that Maki would ever admit this fact out loud), and Saihara’s stories, be they about cases past or present, were genuinely compelling- if Saihara hadn’t become the Ultimate Detective, he’d have probably made a killing as a mystery novelist.

And, well, the conversations were never at her expense. Akamatsu and Saihara never mocked her for not participating enough, they never swapped stories about her even when she wasn’t around as far as she could tell, and they never said anything bad about her at all, outside Akamatsu’s pleas for her to participate more that Maki largely ignored. It was nice, just being able to be part of a group, and not feel like a potential target. 

Even if the conversations did often tend toward the banal, Maki realized… that to her, that was actually okay. That it was nice just feeling included, even if she knew it could never last.

* * *

**2.**

“I don’t see how you can eat that garbage.” Maki said as Akamatsu ate her third serving of greek yogurt. The fact that Akamatsu wanted to eat one cup of the stuff absolutely bewildered Maki; three was outright bizarre.

“First the fish, now this. It’s not my fault you don’t have good taste.” Akamatsu said, sticking her tongue out; it was colored with specks of white. Maki just sighed. 

It was roughly a month since Maki had joined Akamatsu and Saihara at their daily meals. The pair had a break period between classes, and decided to take advantage by going to the cafeteria and getting something to eat. They were sitting far closer to the entrance to the lunchroom than usual, with the scattered amount of other kids present largely situated near the back, chattering about something or other. Maki had finished off her cone of shaved ice several minutes ago, but was still waiting on Akamatsu to finish her bizarre excuse for a snack. 

And that’s when it happened. 

Maki heard a strange skittering sound. It sounded suspiciously like short clawed legs hitting the linoleum of the cafeteria’s floor. And she tentatively looked toward the entrance, and gazed down… and saw it. The claws, the beady eyes, the bright orange fur. It was utterly unmistakable.

The hamster entered the cafeteria, sniffing the air and wandering around, seemingly aimlessly. Many of the students in the cafeteria, for some bizarre reason, moved closer to the entrance, closer to the _beast_ , as it continued to lurk around the room, slinking this way and that.

As Akamatsu watched the little monster with curiosity sparkling in her eyes, Maki sat stiffly, and as adrenaline started shooting through her body, she slammed her hands together and clasped them in a desperate prayer. Just don’t get close to her. Just don’t get close to her. Please, just stay away. 

However, fate was evidently not on her side that day, as the hamster immediately dashed in her direction. Maki’s hands tightened, her fingers growing red. Her nails dug sharply into her knuckles, nearly to the point of drawing blood. She pushed herself back against the table, desperate to create some level of distance between her and the animal. The hamster stepped closer. Her body tensed further- her heart was pounding in her chest, and her rate of breathing had been steadily increasing. At this point it had evolved into gasps. Her eyes were as wide as saucers, her red pupils dilated, and her gaze was utterly mono-focused; looking at the beast in front of her, consumed with utter terror. 

At that moment, all she could see was this… this thing. This thing that still seemed to be coming right at her. Its eyes were black as coal, its far-too-small nose was slowly sniffing at her, seemingly sizing her up- its feet making ominous clinking noises against the floor as it approached. The sound rang in Maki’s ears, nearly even blocking out her own thoughts.

It was here. And it was coming toward her. She let out a silent scream, which eventually evolved into an audible one. She just kept looking at it, not knowing what else to do. She was shaking rapidly, her body clearly trembling. She felt unsafe- a moment more and the beast would be close enough to touch her. And then… And then… 

She screamed again.

A moment later, she noticed that she was being lead away from the creature, sharply exhaling as it got farther and farther out of her field of vision. Shortly thereafter she realized that Akamatsu was escorting Maki to her room, quickly saying something about wanting to see if they needed help corralling the monstrosity before exiting. Needing to do something to get her mind out of the… incident, she took a look around Akamatsu’s dorm room.

All the dorm rooms were large (far too large in Maki’s opinion), and this one was no different. The large fluffy bed took up at most a fourth of the space; even with Akamatsu’s bookshelf, drawers, and cabinets, the room felt far too empty for Maki’s liking. She was far too used to the small, confined spaces of the orphanage to ever feel comfortable.

The makeup of Akamatsu’s room was roughly what she expected- music scores and school assignments tossed this way and that, everything was placed rather haphazardly with little regard for proper order or organization. Her wallpaper and bed covers were an eye-searing pink, her bookshelf a mishmash of novels and music theory texts that were equally unorganized. But, most importantly, she noticed that Akamatsu had placed a metronome on the top of a cabinet in the corner of her room. 

Maki watched it for a second, and slowly proceeded to sit on the chair next to the cabinet. She never took her eyes off it, and started moving her eyes in time with the swing of its pendulum, and took some deep breaths.

She’d heard that this was supposed to be rather calming, and indeed, she could feel her body relax as her breathing slowly began to stabilize. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. When paired with the quiet strumming of the metronome, the sound of her now more stable inhales and exhales was honestly rather soothing. She closed her eyes for a moment, starting to feel at ease, but quickly opened them and rapidly jumped out of the chair when she heard the door open. Akamatsu entered, but her lips were pursed in concern as she looked at Maki. 

“The Ultimate Breeder had lost one of his hamsters,” Akamatsu began. “We corralled it, so that problem is solved.” Akamatsu tilted her head and paused, as though waiting for some kind of invitation to continue. “So... do you want to talk about what exactly happened there?” She asked. “If you don’t want to, that’s fine. But I think it’d probably be good to talk with someone.” 

Maki hesitated. She hated showing weakness. 

After all, vulnerabilities could be exploited. Not to mention that vulnerabilities could be passed around. Maki would become known as _that quiet surly girl who is scared of hamsters_ , just another thing to add to the rumor mill- hell, there were plenty of people in there, it was probably happening right now she was sure of it, and then rumors would spread and Akamatsu would abandon her just like _everyone else_ and-

“No. There’s absolutely nothing to talk about. Leave me alone.” She knew her voice was weak and her protests shallow, but she would at least try to end this as quickly as possible. 

Akamatsu waited for a moment, then decided to walk closer to Maki. Maki watched her warily, akin to a cornered animal. 

“I’m scared of bugs, you know,” Her sudden confession caused Maki’s eyes to dart to Akamatsu’s face out of surprise.

Akamatsu seemed to notice that she’d gotten Maki’s attention, and continued. “They’re so creepy and crawly, so slimy and have so many legs… I hate them!” Akamatsu shuddered. “I hate the fact that we actually have an insectary here at Hope’s Peak, because it means that they could be lurking around somewhere, and they could strike when I least expect it!” Akamatsu’s expression contorted in obvious discomfort, with a tinge of fear coloring her features.

Maki searched for words for a moment, trying to figure out precisely what to say. If she were a reasonable, normal person, then the words would probably come easy. An “I’m sorry,” would do, she supposed. Maybe some encouraging words- something telling her that everything would be okay. Instead, her lips morphed into a frown as she opened her mouth.

“That’s idiotic.” Maki blurted out. “Bugs are a stupid thing to be afraid of- they’re just little things that go about their day and don’t hurt anyone. Couldn’t you be scared of something a little more sensible? Moron.” God, at that moment, Maki hated that she was like this. Despite how utterly she’d botched things, she tried to add as much warmth to her words as she could- be there for Akamatsu in her moment of weakness, in her own way. She deserved that much. 

“You’re right,” Akamatsu said brightly, a smile on her lips, and Maki got the impression that she’d been tricked somehow. “We all have fears. And you haven’t quite conquered yours yet, but that’s fine! I haven’t been able to conquer mine either. We’re teenagers, that’s going to happen. It’s really nothing to be ashamed of, you know?”

“But,” Maki wasn’t sure what was going to come after the ‘but’, but she was sure she’d think of something when the time came.

Akamatsu tutted, cutting her off before any such realization could hit her. “No ‘buts’! It’s true. Don’t you trust me?”

Maki sighed. “I think you know the answer to that already. Idiot.” But Maki knew she couldn’t mask the surprising amount of fondness behind the words.

Akamatsu finished walking over, Maki being incredibly aware of their closeness. The pianist motioned to grab Maki’s hand, but at Maki’s wary gaze she seemed to have second thoughts, and squeezed her shoulder instead. 

“I’ll always be here, Maki.” She said, her voice calm and reassuring.

And, for that moment, if only that moment, Maki believed her. 

Maki wanted to say some words of gratitude, for how supportive Akamatsu was to her, for how much Akamatsu had helped her today, for everything… but she couldn’t quite manage it. The other girl's smile seemed to widen anyway, so it seemed to have come through none-the-less. 

“So!” Akamatsu suddenly continued, walking over to her bed and sitting on it. Maki noticed that in that moment, her eyes had a weirdly pretty twinkle to them. “Can I ask where this fear of yours came from?” Her eyes suddenly widened and her speech grew faster as she backpedaled. “I mean, if it’s personal that’s not a problem just say so and we can move-” 

If she were talking to basically anyone else, this would be a bridge too far. But since it was Akamatsu, Maki just frowned before answering. “Honestly, it’s pretty stupid. A hamster bit me when I was a kid. That’s all.”

Akamatsu covered her mouth to (poorly) mask her giggle. “A hamster… bit you? That’s the story? That’s the daaaark seeeecret?” She wiggled her hands playfully for emphasis. 

Maki’s eyes darted to the right. “It was painful, okay? Not exactly my idea of a fun time.” Then her eyebrows raised a bit. Her lips curved slightly into a smirk, and she shifted her gaze back to Akamatsu. “So then, what’s the ‘dark secret’ behind you not liking bugs? I assume it’s something appropriately terrifying.” 

Akamatsu sputtered and blanched slightly. “I… I just don’t like them, okay!? They’re just gross and I don’t want them near me!” She shuddered again for emphasis. 

Maki was the one to let out a ‘tut-tut’ noise this time as her smirk widened. “I’d heard from a reliable source that you needed a dark, tragic backstory to be scared of something. Suffice it to say that I’m deeply disappointed, Akamatsu.” She finished by shaking her head remorsefully.

And, suddenly, Akamatsu began to laugh. It was an appropriately melodic laugh- it always reminded Maki a bit like the chiming of those small silver bells. It was as soft and sweet as the girl herself.

Maki wasn’t entirely sure what was so funny- she really didn’t think her comment deserved that much of a reaction. However, perhaps she was caught in the moment, or perhaps the other girl’s laughter was just that contagious. Regardless of the precise reason, Maki began to laugh too. 

And it wasn’t one of her sharp, bitter laughs of ridicule. It was one of mirth, of joy, one straight from the belly. The laughter of them both echoed throughout Akamatsu’s room, and the sound of it merely seemed to inspire more laughter from the pair. It was a stark cry from the terror Maki had been experiencing a mere hour ago or so.

And there, in that moment, Maki never wanted this moment to stop. 

* * *

**3.**

Maki continued to spend time with Saihara and Akamatsu- the three of them would spend meals together, of course, as well as time between classes, but they would also chat after classes had finished for the day. The two of them decided that since Maki was easily the best at Home Ec out of the three, Maki would tutor them on the topic. This escalated rather quickly- it turned out that both Maki and Akamatsu was honestly rather hopeless at math, and Saihara was surprisingly good at it, and so the two of them would take turns getting pointers and walked formulas that they struggled at understanding. At the same time, Akamatsu was decent at literature, whereas Maki found the topic a constant struggle, and therefore Akamatsu provided pointers wherever she could. It was a very effective, symbiotic relationship that Maki was certain would never evolve into anything beyond a collective exchange of tips and information.

Which made it something of a shock when the study sessions became less and less about studying, and more and more about just… spending time together. The three would exchange in various asides as they went through the sheets of homework; sometimes it was banal stories about their day-to-day lives, sometimes it was calming Saihara down about an oncoming test or helping Akamatsu relax when it came to an oncoming concert, sometimes it was allowing Maki to vent about anything that came to mind that she was finding particularly aggravating. 

The relationship was still symbiotic, but it was in a more… casual way than Maki had expected. It was like their meal times- it was a collection of the banal and the comforting; the three found comfort in talking about the insignificant, but also in helping each other when push came to shove- whenever one of them needed a hand, the others would rapidly provide it. The three of them were there for each other, and that provided a sort of comfort to Maki that she hadn’t even realized that she needed until she had it. 

One day, when she was just spending some time in her room she realized something- all this stuff: helping each other with homework, spending time with each other at meal times, chatting outside class… it was all stuff that friends did. Maki actually had, honest to god, friends. People that cared about her, and that… she cared about in return. 

The revelation actually took Maki a bit of time to come to grips with, as idiotic as that seemed in retrospect. That people could be friends with _her_ , was something that she found hard to believe. But it was simply impossible to argue with reality, and thus in time Maki gave in.

And that just made the abandonment hit harder when it came.

It started out relatively small- just Akamatsu and Saihara spending slightly less time with her outside class- saying that they were “busy” during break periods, or leaving the cafeteria just ever-so-slightly early. Not that Maki couldn’t help but find it rather curious; previously, they’d never done stuff like this. And when Maki pressured them on it, they refused to tell her anything.

“Oh, it’s nothing Maki, don’t worry about it.” Akamatsu would say, with a slightly concerned expression on her lips. 

“I-It’s nothing, Maki.” Saihara would say, his voice a higher pitch than normal, his fingers fiddling with his cap.

And this became more and more common- soon they were leaving several minutes before the end of meal time, and they were offering to have study sessions less and less. Maki insisted to herself that it wasn’t that she was _worried_ or anything, Maki would never be worried. She was just curious about the change, that was all.

And then time passed, and the amount that Saihara and Akamatsu were “excusing themselves” continued to increase and increase, with no explanation except for nervously babbled rationales that explained nothing. Maki continually waited for elaboration, but it never came. And Maki remained confused.

Until the day that neither of them came to join her at lunch. The day Maki sat there, totally alone. And then she realized: they simply didn’t want to be friends anymore. 

That there would be no more of Saihara’s stories. No more of his (admittedly cute) typical hesitation to participate in conversations, yet enthusiasm if you picked the right topic. No more of Akamatsu shepherding them from conversation to conversation, always with a sort of manic energy that Maki couldn’t even begin to understand. No more of Akamatsu’s ever-present smile that would brighten up any room that she was in, and would even brighten Maki up herself. Just a little. 

It had been really obvious for a long time, if she were being honest. She should have figured this out aeons ago, but she was too ignorant- she was too optimistic that things would be different for once, that she remained blissfully ignorant of what the truth clearly was. What the truth always would be, for her.

Maki was sitting at the lunch table alone, and it felt so similar to what it used to feel like, and yet so different. She felt almost claustrophobic due to all the people around her, talking to each other, utterly oblivious to her suffering; it felt like this crowd of people were closing in on her, shutting down all her escape routes. She felt like she couldn’t even get up and leave- that she’d not only be showing vulnerability, but giving into the harsh reality that she’d never see either of them again. She decided to cling to the fact that she wasn’t done with her steak yet: that she needed to at least finish eating before she left the room. It was her own way of refusing to give into reality- that neither of them were going to return. Ever.

Maki thought about at least returning to her old spot by the window- there, surely, the booming conversations would return to the dull hum that she was used to; there she would start to find peace again. But, for whatever stupid reason, she couldn’t bring herself to do it. It was like that was some kind of line that, if she crossed, she could never take back. Tomorrow, she concluded. She'd do it tomorrow.

She mindlessly finished her meal at their table- her soon-to-be-old-table, she thought. The meat and vegetables were utterly tasteless, and her oolong tea tasted like water. Any enjoyment she could get out of her meal was replaced with the all-consuming despair that tugged at her heart and caused it to furiously ache. 

And then she was done. The people around her had simply gotten louder and louder, their inane prattle commanding more and more of her attention, and she decided that she needed to leave. She quickly put her tray on a nearby dispensary, and dashed out of the room as fast as she could, pushing some students out of the way as she ran out of the room. She didn’t even bother to see how they reacted.

As it was a break period for her, there was no place for her to go aside from her room. She’d probably check and see if Saihara and Akamatsu wanted to do something if it were a normal day. But there would be no normal days ever again, she dully recalled. It was all over.

Her run devolved into a slow crawl as she reached the stairs to the second floor of the Academy, and her sluggish crawl became a dull death march. As she walked toward her room, she wondered why exactly they hadn’t even bothered to say anything to her before abandoning her completely; she ended up concluding that they just hadn’t decided that it was worth it. That she wasn’t worth it. It was a sensible conclusion, she supposed. Totally understandable. 

Finally, after what felt like hours, she reached her room. She placed her hand on the doorknob (she was so out of it, she realized, that she hadn’t even thought to unlock it), and pulled the door open. Time to lay on her bed and thi-

“SURPRISE!” 

Maki blinked. Oddly, the thing that she processed first was that the lights were on. She was sure that she’d turned those off. That was weird. Even weirder were the streamers tossed around the room; around her cabinets, on the bed, blue mingling with the crimson of the covers, and even on her planetarium on the nearby table.

But before she could wonder what on Earth that was about, she noticed the most incongruous thing: Akamatsu and Saihara, standing in the middle of the room, wide grins on both of their faces. Between them, in the middle of the room, was a plastic table that was most assuredly not Maki’s, with a plastic plate of three cupcakes on it. Red candles on top to boot. 

This is… unexpected, she thought dully..

After a few moments, Akamatsu clearly had become concerned. She walked over, a cheerful smile on her face (A smile Maki had thought she’d never see again) and waved her hand across Maki’s rapidly. “Hey, Earth to Maki! You in there?”

Maki just stared, absolutely bewildered. “Wh-what is happening,”

“I-It’s a birthday party.” Saihara said quietly, tugging at his cap. Before his eyes proceeded to retreat behind it, she could see the concern radiating from them. 

Oh, right. Those were a thing. That did explain a lot.

“It’s… not my birthday, idiots.” Maki said lamely, since she was absolutely unsure of what else there was to say. She walked to the side a bit and situated herself next to her bookcase full of kid's books and child-rearing tips, so as to create some distance between her and Akamatsu. 

“We know!” Akamatsu said, her cheer and enthusiasm not even wavering at Maki’s bewilderment. “Buuuut, you know, have you had one before?”

“No,” she said slowly, still trying to process what that had to do with anything. She was still watching both of them intently, eyes flicking back and forth, as though expecting the both of them to disappear into thin air at any second. 

“W-We didn’t think so.” Saihara began. “So… we thought that this would… be nice?” His tone was hesitant, but the compassion was clear in his words. A beat. “... Is it?”

There was another pause. “How did you get in?” Maki asked, because non-sequiturs felt safer than actually trying to answer that question right now.

“Kokichi has a bit of a gift with lockpicking,” Akamatsu said, her expression sheepish. “So we… kind of helped ourselves?”

Ah, I see. That made sense- Ouma helping them was a little unexpected, but they probably cajoled him into it somehow. Or maybe he just did it on a whim- the brat was utterly incorrigible.

Maki closed her eyes for a moment. She was still trying to process. It was true that this was… novel for her; the orphanage had never really had the money for a proper birthday party. No cake, no candles, no presents. The money had always been better spent elsewhere, after all.

Honestly, Maki wasn’t used to getting pretty much anything as a present. She’d get something for younger kids to celebrate holidays- not expensive things, obviously, but as much as she could afford and as much as the orphanage was willing to give her. She wanted to give these kids some kind of celebration; given how alone they were, they deserved that much. 

However, Maki had convinced herself that she didn’t need anything like that- that these things weren’t for her- that having one for her would be idiotic and a waste of time. Yet, she could feel a very pleasant thrill at the idea that these two would do this for her, that they’d go to all this trouble, that they’d even get cupcakes for her. She gazed at them for a moment- the candles were flickering; she was sure that if it were dark, they would be shining like beacons in the darkness.

“Oh, yeah, sorry about having the lights on. That’s not exactly traditional.” Akamatsu babbled, as Maki looked at the candles. “But, like, I thought this was going to be a shock as it was, and…”

Akamatsu was interrupted by Maki starting to cry. The whiplash was a bit too much- to feel herself go from thinking that both of them had abandoned her to knowing that they’d cared enough to do this, it was just… it was a _lot_ for Maki to deal with emotionally. This didn’t mean that they were going to stay- nobody stayed with Maki. That wasn’t a thing that happened. But for now, they were going to be with her for a bit longer. And that was enough. 

“Oh, did you want presents? I’m so sorry!” Akamatsu continued to babble, mistaking Maki’s tears as meaning something else entirely. “This was just something we kinda threw together and we weren’t sure what you’d want and…” 

Maki rubbed away the tears with her arm. “That isn’t it, idiot. At all.” She tried to insert a bit of hostility into her voice, to bring down her ire at this unnecessary idiocy… but found that she didn’t quite have it in her. 

“Alright, then! In that case, I think it’s time for the birthday girl to blow out the candles,” Akamatsu said, a touch of uncertainty still in her voice. It was clear that she’d expected some other reaction from Maki- though how the moron could have was totally oblique to her.

Maki walked forward cautiously, like the candles were something that she had to approach with the utmost delicacy. She eventually closed the distance between her and the cupcakes, slowly knelt down, and softly blew at the offending objects. The candles went out one by one, leaving small trails of smoke in their wake. She hoped this wasn’t going to trigger the fire alarm or something. 

Maki slowly began smiling- she desperately tried to dart her gaze away from Akamatsu and Saihara, but she knew the pair had caught the expression, and hated that fact. She had been showing far too much weakness in front of them lately. 

Akamatsu moved next to her, putting her hand on her shoulder. Maki had become accustomed to the touch. “Listen, this isn’t a huge celebration or anything,” Akamatsu said. “But this was your first birthday party so… I hope it was enough, you know?”

Maki didn’t have the words or inclination to tell her that this was far more than she could have ever hoped for. 

"Akamatsu... Saihara... Thank you." Maki said softly, tears running tracks down her face again.

"Hey, you know," Akamatsu started softly, "You... can call me by my first name, you know? I think we're close enough for that at this point." There was a bit of a jocular tone at the end of Kaede's comment, but there was a certain longing in her voice that Maki found it difficult to really explain or even define.

"Shuichi would like that too!" She hastily added. "Right, Shuichi?" Saihara quickly nodded in agreement. "Okay," Maki said. "I'll try." Akamat- _Kaede_ , nodded in appreciation. Sai- _Shuichi_ also gave a nod, as well as a soft, encouraging smile.

This felt like a big step, in many ways, but a step that was worth it all the same.

* * *

**4.**

Maki knew that she was going to break sooner or later. However, she must admit that it happened at a time when she least expected it. 

It was while Shuichi was going over another old case- a murder involving a real estate tycoon.: “And we traced the gun back to our main suspect, so that basically was the end of-” 

It took her a second to realize that her breaths were becoming more shallow, and that there were tears running down Maki’s cheeks. Bewildered, she furiously wiped at them with her hand, but they refused to go away. They kept flowing, tear after tear. Maki couldn’t understand it, as she viciously swiped at her cheeks, her tense fingers curling into claws. She was just having a nice conversation with her friends-

Then the realization hit her, and it hit her hard. Oh. Her friends. These were her friends. That explained it. She was suddenly filled with an all-consuming sense of dread. The tears came even more freely, some lightly plopping on the metal table.

“M-Maki? Are you… alright?” Shuichi asked, his speech slightly hesitant and awkward, as usual. Shuichi, who would figure out how weak she truly was, and would abandon her. 

Kaede looked equally concerned. “Yeah, like… seriously. Are you okay?” Kaede, beautiful, sweet, kind, patient, supportive Kaede. Kaede, who would decide that she was a lost cause, and would abandon her. 

They had almost abandoned her before, and even if that time had been fake, this next time, and a next time was inevitable, would be real. She was sure of it. And that just made the tidal wave of despair that had overcome her all the more all-encompassing.

Maki’s thoughts began to rush, blending together and merging into a loud, all-consuming haze. Her hands moved back to her side, her fists clenching so hard her nails pierced her palms. She winced in pain. She nodded her head, her movement mechanical. “Yeah, I’m fine. Of course. Get back to what you were saying, Shuichi.” She mumbled. 

“Okay, that is obviously not true.” Kaede’s tone was disturbingly serious. See, Maki? You’re worrying Kaede. You’re a burden that she’ll cast aside eventually.

She vaguely heard Kaede and Shuichi still talking to each other, yet they now also sounded slightly distant- as though she were hearing them talk on the other side of a long tunnel. Or maybe from the other end of a questionably functional walkie-talkie. 

“L-listen, I kind of… have to head to class. Y-You think you can take her back to her room?” 

“Sure, Shuichi. I’ve got her, don’t worry.”

The ambient noise of the students actually picked up in volume. Were they talking about her? They were. She was sure of it.

Maki proceeded to let Kaede walk her back to her dorm room on the second floor. Maki’s body was on autopilot- her movements were sluggish, her feet nearly dragging behind her. A few minutes later, they reached Maki’s room. Maki found her key in her breast pocket, and after fumbling for a second (her hands felt surprisingly sweaty), she slowly used it to unlock the door.

After she entered, Maki managed to choke out that Kaede needed to leave, and she thought she heard Kaede make a sound of agreement, saying something about classes and that she’d come back later before she closed the door behind her. Maki collapsed onto her bed, lying on the crimson covers..There. She couldn’t get close if Maki just shoved her away. It was easy- she’d done it before with everyone else. 

Kaede had never truly been different, never truly been special. The beginning of the story was different, but the end would always be the same, Maki thought, letting out a near hysterical laugh, one tinged with a sort of manic terror.

Then, her laughter devolved into sobs, and she spent the next couple hours doing nothing but crying and screaming as loudly as she could, dimly appreciative that the dorm rooms were soundproof. Classes were entirely forgotten. 

Maki was awoken by the sound of a knock on the door. Slowly, she opened her eyes, her gaze surveying the room’s ceiling. Her emotional outburst had given way to fatigue, and after a while she must have drifted off to sleep. 

When she heard Kaede’s voice, she paused for a moment, contemplating, before telling her that she could come in, and sat up on the bed. 

She saw Kaede enter, bringing a stack of papers- schoolwork probably- that she quickly sat on the nearby bookshelf; the papers hovered rather precariously, but didn’t fall off. Maki would collect them later, she absently decided. Kaede then hesitantly turned toward Maki, eyes uncertain, walking forward slowly. 

“So... as you can see, I… brought you school stuff.” Her voice was almost Shuichi-esque; she was lacking the usual confidence and spark to her words, leaving them hesitant and almost listless. 

Kaede then took a deep breath, seemingly gathering up all her courage. 

“Okay, you’re going to have to tell me what on Earth happened earlier.” The pianist said flatly. Maki had placed a chair next to her door, and Kaede sat down on it. She gazed at the other girl, her eyes alight with concern. Maki, meanwhile, stayed on the bed.

“Nothing.” Maki said, trying to sound defiant but coming closer to petulant. She knew that the way she crossed her arms only added to the image. 

“Maki, we both know it’s not ‘nothing’. You need to tell me what is going on. I can’t help if I don’t know what’s wrong.”

“Listen, you don’t need to ‘help’. This is need to know. And you don’t need to know. Discussion over.”

Kaede glared at Maki- a rather unusual sight, the other girl thought dully. “Maki, I’m your _friend_ . I’m _concerned_ about you. We were just having a regular conversation and you… broke down. That’s not normal, and I want to walk you through it. I want to be there for you, but I can’t be there for you if you give me nothing to work with.”

She was gazing directly into Kaede’s eyes, and Maki noticed how they sparkled in concern. And that resulted in a burst of a feeling that Maki couldn’t quite define- but it was nice. It made her feel comfortable and safe, and made her feel like she could say anything. Kaede would understand. It was only for a moment before it returned to the typical feeling of discomfort and anxiety, but that was long enough. “How long are you going to want to be my friend?” Maki quietly quietly blurted out under her breath. 

Frustratingly, it turned out she didn’t blurt it out quite quietly enough. “Wait, what was that, Maki?” Kaede’s irritation had given way to curiosity, and was leaning toward her in the chair, as though to hear better. 

Maki paused for a moment. She could just shut down Kaede again, brush it off. It would be incredibly simple- it’s the sort of thing Maki did all the time, honestly. Then her thoughts ceased, and were replaced by Kaede’s bright, supportive (always supportive) voice. 

_I’ll always be here, Maki._

Maki took a long, deep sigh. Then she gave in, and spoke a little louder. 

“I said, how long are you going to be my friend?”

Kaede tilted her head, clearly bewildered. “As… long as you want me to be? I don’t really understand the question?”

Maki snorted. “Yeah, right. Like things could be that easy. They’re never that easy for me.” Her feet laying off the bed began to kick back and forth- nervous twitches that revealed her lack of composure. 

“Maki, you really aren’t making much sense right now.”

Maki could feel her fists clench again. Her dull, neutral expression morphed into a glare. “That’s because you don’t know! I do! Everybody leaves eventually, it’s just how my life works.”

Kaede’s gaze softened. “No, Maki, you’re right. I don’t know.” She clenched her right fist, seemingly out of determination. “But I want to, because it’s beginning to sound like something that somebody needs to talk to you about.” A weak, artificial-sounding laugh. “And I guess that person’s going to have to be me.”

Maki considered for a moment, before deciding that there was no way out at this point- she’d said far too much. She collapsed onto the bed, like a puppet with her strings cut. “Fine. You win.” Her voice was soft, quiet, as though she wasn’t even speaking to Kaede at all.

After a moment of gazing at the plaster on her dorm’s ceiling, she began. “My parents died when I was just a little kid. I honestly don’t recall them that well, so I can’t say I feel the loss deeply anymore or anything. I recall some scattered memories here and there, and that I loved them quite a bit… and that’s essentially it.”

Kaede gasped. “Oh, Maki! I’m so sor-”

“Stop.” Maki was still staring at the ceiling. She raised her right hand, palm up in protest before quickly letting it rest atop the bed. “If you start apologizing, I'll never be able to finish.” 

Kaede obediently became quiet. 

“Anyway, as you know, I got sent to an orphanage after that. And for a while, people just started to stay away from the surly girl who didn’t seem to want to make friends. I was alone. And then I met Naoko.” A strange sort of melancholic fondness entered Maki’s tone when she spoke the name. “She was a sweet kid, honestly. She always listened to me. Let me vent about everything that bothered me, let me talk about how much I wanted people to play with.” 

Maki let out a rather weary laugh. “I think part of it, though, is that she was lonely too. Nobody else would give her the time of day, so she let me babble at her. She considered that close enough to having an actual friend. At heart, her listening was born from a sort of desperation more than anything.” Maki paused, raising her hand toward the ceiling before letting it fall back to the bed, her voice now dull again. Utterly detached. “It was nice regardless.”

Kaede started to say something, probably some words of comfort, but she stopped herself. Maki’s voice had the same droning intonation when she continued- a bit like she was talking about a particularly boring story. 

“Anyway, eventually somebody decided to adopt her. So she left me. My only friend left me. And then, ever since, it’s just been me.” Maki could feel the tears sting her eyes, but she slammed them shut and pushed them back. She refused to cry- not now. “My parents, Naoko… everyone abandons me in the end. And then there’s nobody left. Just me.” Her voice started to regain its emotion as her throat became choked. There was a laugh, but it was uneasy and bitter. “Do you know why I’m good with kids at the orphanage? It’s because I know that in a few years, they’ll be gone. They’ll leave me too- there’s no expectation that they’ll stay. There’s comfort in that.” She kept trying to hold the tears back but a couple started to drip down her cheeks.

She sat back up on her bed, and she noticed that Kaede had come a lot closer. She was roughly a few feet away now- though her vision was slightly blurry, Maki could see that her eyes were radiating sympathy. Maki just sighed.

“Listen, I know you can’t understand. You have Shuichi and probably a bunch of other friends, and you’re happy. Everything is fine with you, so don’t try to play therapist, okay? You know now. Just leave me alone.” Her voice was tight. 

Kaede’s eyes lacked any of their usual sparkle, her voice lacked any of its usual cheer. “I can understand better than you think, Maki.” She said softly. “You know? For a long time, nobody wanted to be my friend either.” Her eyes avoided Maki’s scrutinizing gaze. “I was the ‘Piano Freak’; somebody that poured her heart into trying to learn the piano because she had nothing else.” Kaede let out a dry laugh- one incredibly un-Kaede, but eerily familiar-sounding all the same. 

“Kids mocked me, they even bullied me. Everybody else just gave me polite applause when I played my pieces, but otherwise ignored me. I wasn’t a person to them, I was Kaede the Pianist. And I tried to convince myself that was enough. I tried as hard as I could to pour myself into piano, and in that way make myself valuable, do something to give myself worth. But before Hope’s Peak? Outside my parents, it honestly felt like nobody truly cared.” 

Maki stared. She wanted to do something to comfort the other girl, really show how much empathy she was feeling at that moment… but wasn’t sure how. So she did nothing. “But… then I came here. And I met Shuichi. He was a shy and quiet kid, and nobody really wanted to be his friend either. So he was lonely too. And we decided we’d be lonely together.” 

At some point, Maki’s crying had intensified. But she could still Kaede smile again- it was a bright, inviting smile. It might be the most beautiful smile Maki had ever seen. Kaede then joined Maki a couple feet away on the bed- with most people, it would usually have been a little close for Maki’s comfort, but with Kaede it felt weirdly comfortable. She slowly began touching Maki, her finger drawing concentric circles on her back. Maki tightened at the contact but slowly relaxed into it with a deep exhale.

“Do you want to be lonely with us Maki?” Kaede asked. Her eyes sparkled so beautifully, now a little wet tears of her own, as they slowly tricked down her cheeks. 

Maki thought for a second, but only for a second. She nodded. 

A couple hours later, both of them were lying face-up on the bed, watching the artificial stars created by Maki’s nearby small planetarium float on the ceiling, the room coated in blackness aside from those twinkling artificial lights. Whenever Maki wanted to relax, she always turned this thing on- the way the constellations shined in the recreation of night was endlessly soothing for her.

“It’s so beautiful.” Kaede said softly, gazing at a shining replication of Delphinus, seemingly mesmerized. 

“It is.” Maki agreed. A pause. “Naoko and I would watch the stars all the time.” She admitted. “We’d go out at night, we figured out how to sneak out the back door without anybody in charge noticing. We’d lay on the ground, and she would spend hours pointing out constellations to me, and tell me what they all meant. It was… nice.” 

Maki turned to look at Kaede’s face, and saw that Kaede had turned to her, beaming a radiant smile. She couldn’t help but give a small smile back in return. Kaede then spoke. 

“Maybe it can be something we do together too? Lying together like this?” 

Maki simply nodded, and the two watched the twinkling stars, Kaede proceeded to place her hand softly, carefully, over Maki’s. Maki didn’t push it away. 

* * *

**5.**

The conclusion was reached roughly a week after their conversation in Maki’s bedroom, as she laid on her sheets, thinking about the girl that dominated her thoughts so often lately: she was in love with Kaede Akamatsu. 

She supposed that, in a work of fiction, this would typically be an earth-shattering revelation- something that would make her cheeks color scarlet and her mouth drop open. One that caused her to re-evaluate her entire relationship with the other girl, while pacing around her dorm room like a woman possessed. She’d feel like this was some kind of massive paradigm shift that changed everything. Or perhaps she would comb through her past interactions with Kaede, fish out any clue that Kaede might feel the same way, before coming to a shocking third-act realization.

Instead, when she reached this conclusion, she didn’t even sit up in her bed. It just fit into her view of her relationship of Kaede perfectly- like a puzzle piece that she couldn’t quite figure out how to fit in before finally being slotted into place. It just felt perfectly natural and expected- she was in love with Kaede. Sure, why not? It didn’t seem particularly worth fixating over. 

And, of course, she could never expect Kaede to love her back, so that wasn’t really worth considering. She was the surly girl. The one that had a weird, dry and snarky sense of humor. Surely the pianist had plenty of suitors that were romantically interested in her, people that she would genuinely want to pursue a relationship with. People that weren’t her.

And in a way, perhaps this reaction was a bit like a cliche from a romance novel in its own way. Well, whatever. It was still true. 

So Maki tried to make sure things would continue like they had been, her own personal revelations set cleanly aside. Everything was going to stay the same; it must. 

And if Maki’s hand went back to quickly jerking away when they made contact now in the lunchroom, that was fine. If she was more deeply aware of the personal space between them, and continually made sure to keep herself a few feet away from the other girl at all times, that was fine. If she were quieter, and her laughs during their conversations came out a little more awkward and forced… even that was fine. She had to keep the status quo going, at any cost. 

Maki couldn’t risk losing this relationship- one of the only things she had in her life that kept her afloat- something that let her believe that good things were possible, even for her.

She knew that Kaede noticed. She could feel the probing gazes directed at her, she saw the way Kaede opened her mouth and proceeded to say nothing. She could sense the way Kaede continually attempted to recapture their closeness of the past, both physical and emotional, no matter how many times she was rebuffed. But it was all fine. Kaede would give up eventually, she was certain of it. 

(Deep inside, she knew trying to get Kaede to give up was a fool’s errand. But she would persist regardless.)

Two weeks in, she heard a knock on her door. She had taken up her usual position in her room these days- laying on the bed. Thinking. She heard Kaede ask if Maki would let her in. She involuntarily flinched. And, desperately trying to capture that surly antagonism of old and failing miserably, said, “Won’t stop you. Go ahead.” 

Kaede opened the door and Maki sat up. Lately, Maki hadn’t been able to keep herself from noticing how beautiful Kaede was. The way that her hair framed her face perfectly, the way her lips would so beautifully curve into a constant smile. But right now, it was all wrong. Her hair flipped a bit as she tilted her head in concern. The smile was a hesitant one, distant. When she spoke, it wasn’t the delightful chirp that always brightened Maki’s day. Instead her voice was cautious, her words seemingly very carefully chosen. 

“I’m worried about you.”

“That makes one of us. I’m fine. Do you plan to take my temperature or something?”

Kaede stomped her foot on the carpeted floor- and it showed how far gone Maki was that something so petulant and childish just seemed adorable when Kaede did it. Her tone grew irritated. “You know that’s not what I mean!”

“I’m not a mind-reader, Kaede. You need to use your words.”

Kaede clenched her teeth for a second, clearly frustrated. Ideally this is the moment Kaede would just leave, let Maki stew in her thoughts. But, as expected, Kaede just stood there, gazing at Maki, now with even more concern in her eyes. “Okay, fine. You’ve been so different these last couple weeks. You’ve been cagey around me, and really weird and awkward. You refuse to let me in. It’s like we’re starting over! I don’t get it. Everything was perfectly fine between us… are you mad at me or something?” 

Kaede sounded so worried at the prospect that it made Maki want to laugh. 

“I can assure you that I’m not.” Maki said. “So, can the conversation end here?” 

“Obviously it can’t! If you’re not mad at me, then clearly something else is wrong, and you’re just… refusing to tell me. Stop shutting me out!” Kaede got closer. Maki leapt backwards on her bed as rapidly as possible. 

“Listen… I can’t talk to you about this. Stop. Just leave.” Her voice had a pleading quality to it now.

“You know I’m not going to do that. I care about you, and I need to know what’s going on; I can’t just pretend that nothing is happening. I need you to tell me what’s wrong, so that I can help. I mean, really, we’ve already gotten through so much together. We can get through this too. How bad could it be?” 

Kaede sounded so earnest. But that was the thing, wasn’t it? She always sounded so earnest. She jumped into everything head-first, caring about the consequences later. 

And it was at that moment that Maki realized that she was tired. She was tired of distancing from someone she loved, somebody she trusted, somebody that she’d told personal secrets to. Somebody she laughed with in the lunchroom, somebody that had gotten closer to her than anybody else in her life, even Naoko. Somebody that was truly precious to her and that she hoped would never let her go. How long would they stay in this holding pattern? Would it be until they graduated? Longer?

Maki decided that she feared rejection much less than she feared that. Feared just… never knowing for certain. She took a deep breath, and decided to take a leaf from Kaede’s book. Her voice raised into a shout. 

“The thing that’s wrong is that I’ve fallen in love with you!” 

Then there was nothing. Absolute silence. The dam broken, Maki’s mouth moved infinitely faster than her brain.

“You’re so frustrating, Kaede. You’re so kind. You try so hard to connect with people, and have them connect with you in return. It could hurt you, people could betray you. You could feel so much pain. And yet you don’t seem to mind.” Maki didn’t know what she was doing at this point. She was just saying words. She took a breath. 

“Despite how much it could hurt, you opened up to me in the way almost nobody had- you actually gave me a chance. You actually _cared._ ” Maki could feel her fists clenching. Kaede still said nothing.

“And it’s not just me, you keep trying to reach out to people, keep pushing yourself to help others, despite how much you could end up getting hurt. It’s so stupid, I can barely understand it.“ Maki’s voice softened. “But… it’s beautiful too. So beautiful. It’s… the way I used to want to be. I love it all so much that my heart wants to fucking burst, okay? I love _you,_ Kaede.”

Kaede still said nothing. She slowly, oh so slowly, joined Maki on the bed, the mattress bouncing slightly due to the added weight. She moved to lean against her- their bodies reaching the point where they were almost touching. Maki put her hand on Kaede’s shoulder, but just couldn’t spare the energy to push her away. Not now. 

“Are… you done?” She said, her voice soft and breathy, nearly a whisper. Maki nodded.

“I mean- I- You… kind of forced my hand here, Maki.” She let out a wry chuckle, and Maki could feel her heart start to break. Everything was over, just because she couldn’t keep her fucking mouth shut. She could feel the tears start to fall, ice cold against her cheeks. This was all so fucking stupid- why had she done this? She’d known how badly it would hurt. 

“Listen, I’m… not good at this,” Kaede put both hands to her forehead and furiously pushing them upwards into her hair for a moment, her cowlick flicking inward. “So let’s do this instead.”

And that’s when Kaede leaned in and kissed her. Maki’s world stuttered and stopped and for a moment Maki had absolutely no idea how to respond. What was she supposed to do in this situation? Then she remembered, and leaned in herself. 

Kaede had strawberry lip gloss on. It was far more delicious than lip gloss had any right to be. She felt Kaede’s hands move and brush her brown hair, and it was so delicate and careful and the feeling felt almost as perfect as Kaede herself. She slowly moved ever-so-infinitesimally closer, and moved her hand downward to stroke Maki’s back, her fingers so intimate and smooth to the touch, even over Maki’s uniform.

Taking advantage of Kaede moving forward, Maki re-positioned herself slightly, and moved to reach Kaede’s head.

Kaede’s hair felt nice too, Maki realized. It was soft and well taken care of, and the tactile sensation almost overwhelmed her brain. The amazing scent of cherries from Kaede’s hair that accompanied their newfound closeness came close to finishing the job. She moved her fingers down to her uniform, and greedily pushed her even closer, wanting to feel Kaede’s body against her own. Wanted to savor this moment. 

Maki didn’t believe in a god, or any sort of sense of destiny or divine providence. But if any of that nonsense was true, her entire life had clearly been planned meticulously to lead up to this moment. 

But all good things must come to an end, as they say, and thus eventually Kaede broke away from the kiss. For a few minutes, the pair was speechless. Maki couldn’t figure out anything to say that wasn’t idiotic and meaningless and stupid, so it was lucky that Kaede, as per usual, took over the conversation after turning around and lying down on the bed.

“I don’t know how long I’ve been in love with you Maki, but it’s been a long time. I love everything about you. I love how much you care despite how snarky and detached you come across, like there’s this secret layer that was just waiting for someone to discover it.” Kaede softly ran her hand against Maki’s back. She shuddered at the touch, but it was a shudder of pleasure. She could feel Kaede’s fingers run across her arm with the sort of mixture of delicacy and strength Maki saw her wield whenever she sat at a piano bench. 

“I love how you’re so often willing to speak your mind. I love your sense of humor- you can be so funny when you want to be.” Kaede stared at the ceiling for a moment, slowly breaking contact. Fortunately, she decided to sit up and start running her fingers through Maki’s hair, and Maki just bathed in the touch. “I love your hair too- it’s really pretty, hell, when it shines in the sunshine, it is absolutely beautiful. I love that little beauty mark by your eye too,” she gestures at it with the hand not tending to Maki’s hair, “it frames your face so perfectly.” 

There was a pause, and Maki just waited for her to continue. “Also, you’re super hot, and I’m like… way jealous.” Kaede giggled the most adorable giggle Maki had ever heard. “But that’s pretty superficial, huh?” 

Maki looked at Kaede for a moment- at her gorgeous hair that framed her face- her cheeks slightly flushed in embarrassment in a way that was utterly adorable, her body- pale but not in an unhealthy way with smooth, subtle curves- her deceptively thin arms that hid a substantial amount of muscle. Her long legs. God, it was suddenly real warm in the room all of a sudden. “No, I mean. You shouldn’t be. Y-You too. You’re attractive too, I mean. Very attractive.” Maki decided to shut up before things got any worse. Kaede just giggled again, and Maki wished she’d never stop.

A couple hours later, the pair were still on the bed, but they had turned on Maki’s planetarium, and the night sky was suspended above their heads. She knew that she and Kaede had just looked up at this exact sky three weeks ago, but it seemed so much more beautiful today somehow. The artificial stars had a special sort of twinkle to them today that Maki could watch forever. 

“Do you think Shuichi knows?” Kaede asked, seemingly gazing at no constellation in particular- just taking in the melange of fake starlight.

“Going to have to be more specific,” Maki said, her voice having a teasing timbre to it. She tilted her head to face Kaede, and saw that she was looking back, her expression thoughtful.

“I mean... about... us, you know? Not that there was an ‘us’ before now but… you know what I mean, right?”

Maki nods. “I doubt it. And even if he does… do you think he’d actually tell us?” She snorts. “Shuichi is one of the shyest people I know. He could use some actual self-confidence, honestly.” 

Kaede whacked her arm playfully with a hand. “That’s not a nice thing to say!” She said. But she was smiling.

“It’s true though,” Maki insisted playfully. “And he’s a detective too! Can you imagine how he manages to present his deductions to the chief of police without stuttering or pausing all the time?” 

Kaede let out a soft laugh. “I’m sure he does perfectly fine, darling,” given how close the pair are, Maki can both see and feel her body tense, and starts to tense up in turn. “That was okay with you, right? That ‘darling’ thing? I just… it felt right, and I’ve never done this before so I don’t know the ri-” 

“Oh, shut up.” Maki said, feeling the tension release. She quickly kissed her on the cheek, and spoke with an indescribable amount of fondness. “You’re fine, idiot.” 

The two then proceeded to just lay next to each other, and stare at the stars, their hands clasped together, fingers entwined. 

* * *

**+1.**

It was roughly two weeks later that Maki could tell that Kaede was now the one acting differently. Her cheer was a bit more forced. She was quieter, allowing Shuichi and even Maki to dominate conversations; allowing the conversation’s flow to be dictated by them, rather than them being caught up in her energy- being a mere band member rather than the conductor. It was bizarre. Alien, almost, Maki thought. 

And Maki decided that something needed to be done about it. That she couldn’t let her frie- girlfriend, (Maki still needed to get used to that. “Friend” had been weird enough) struggle like this- and she was struggling, Maki was absolutely certain of that. She knew someone struggling with themselves when she saw it by heart at this point.

As Maki walked through the first floor of Hope’s Peak, her shoes squeaking against the wooden paneling, she pondered exactly how she should approach this; she didn’t want to confront her about this somewhere public- if it was something deeply personal, she doubted Kaede would like the girl standing there and press-ganging her about it in front of other people; even Shuichi, she suspected. If it was something humiliating, she wouldn’t want her close friend to think less of her. 

(And, well, part of it was that Maki wanted to solve the problem herself. That she wanted to be the one that brought Kaede peace- nobody else. That this was something that she could solely claim as her success. Perhaps it was a bit prideful or even arrogant, but Maki thought that if it involved her girlfriend, maybe that was okay.)

Maki slowly started to walk up the steps to the second floor. She also didn’t really want to do it in one of their bedrooms. She thought it would be a bit too easy to get… distracted. Maki felt her cheeks heat up slightly at the thought, and quickly set it aside. 

The point was that she wanted somewhere private, but not too private. She was still walking on autopilot, pondering exactly what that sort of place would look like, when she heard the piano playing in the music room. 

Maki stopped walking. She was, for a moment, mesmerized by the song. It was the most enchanting thing she’d ever heard. Each movement flowed perfectly into the next, the notes playing together in an absolutely beautiful harmony. The tune was captivating, outright hypnotic, even. She was captured by it, feeling the music draw her in like a siren’s song. And the next thing she knew, she was standing at the ornate door of the music room, slowly pushing the door open. 

And when she walked into the well-furnished room, instruments of all sorts littered haphazardly throughout, she saw that the only occupant was Kaede sitting on the wooden bench in front of the well-polished grand piano in the room’s center.

Maki almost laughed. I mean, of course. Who else could it possibly have been? 

What she saw made for a beautiful scene- Kaede framed by the setting sun due to the window above her, her features colored orange in its fading light. Her hands hung in the air, her fingers still stretched out, as if they were still dancing across the black and white keys. It was picturesque; an image of a craftsman having just finished their masterpiece. 

Then Maki realized. They were alone. It was late, nobody would bother them in here. This was her chance. 

“Kaede,” She called out, breaking the pianist from her stupor. She quickly darted her head to the side to identify the intruder, and then jumped off the bench in surprise, turning around to face the other girl. 

“Ah! Maki! I… didn’t expect anyone to be around this late.” She admitted, scratching the back of her head in obvious embarrassment. “Did you… did you hear the whole thing?” 

Maki nodded. “I did, naturally,” She paused for a moment, considering what to say. “You did a decent job.” She cursed herself the moment the words exited her mouth- this was the kind of praise she gave to her girlfriend? Really? 

Kaede, though, just gave a soft smile. “That means a lot, Maki, thanks.” The funniest thing of all, was that she sounded like she meant it. “Anyway, why’d you come?”

Not exactly wanting to admit ‘I came because your music was that enchanting’, Maki instead decided to just immediately cut to the chase. “I’m worried about you, idiot.” She admitted. Kaede’s eyebrows flitted upwards in surprise for some reason. 

“Listen, all of this is stupid. You’re not yourself. You’re too quiet, your smiles are forced, you just aren’t… you aren’t being _you_ at all. It’s all wrong.” The irony of the current situation wasn’t lost on Maki. “As frustrating as it is to say… I miss you just being you.”

“I’m fine!” She insisted, but her body betrayed her words. Her eyes refused to look Maki in the face. Her lips curled down into a frown. She awkwardly walked backwards, towards the bench, the floorboards creaking as she did so. Widening the distance between them again. 

Maki took a couple steps closer. Closed that distance. “No, you aren’t. You’re closing yourself off to me, you’re not talking to me or Shuichi about something, and it’s wrong. It’s just wrong. This isn’t the Kaede I know, and I want to know why!” Maki raised her voice, nearly to a shout, causing Kaede to stumble back again- this time out of surprise. Her feet nearly collided with the bench. 

“This is new,” She said softly. But she smiled again- it was warm, and genuine.

“You aren’t answering my question.” Maki said coolly. “What’s wrong?” 

The pianist let out a soft, quiet sigh. “It’s… do you know what’s happening in a couple days?”

Maki wracked her brain, but then she realized. Things were starting to make sense. “The International Pianist Convention, right?” Kaede nodded. 

“Pianists all around Japan- all around the world- are attending. The best of the best will be there. They asked me to perform as a representative of Japan. _The_ representative of Japan.” Her voice was quavering- her hands were starting to shake now. “But… I just…” Her voice cracked mid-sentence. “What if I’m not good enough? What if I fail? What if I get up there and just… botch everything?” Her speech was becoming more rapid. 

“What does this title even mean? What makes me the ‘Ultimate Pianist?" The speed of her words increase5d, her breaths in between her words growing shorter. “Who actually got to decide that? And if they got to decide that that means they could change their mind right, And…” She cut herself off, and sniffled as the tears began to fall. Her voice began to slow again. “:... I just want to be special. I just want to be good at something. So that I matter.” 

She wiped her eyes, and started to move toward Maki, her steps slow and halting. Maki mirrored the motion, and within moments, she held the girl in her arms. After a bit of thought, and just a moment of tension at the contact, she squeezed. She could feel the other girl’s body tremble in her grip, and resolved to not let go. Never let her go. 

“God, you’re such an idiot.” Is all she said, her voice a near whisper.

Kaede let out a soft laugh, tinged both with remnants of sadness, and something new- something like pride. “You really have changed.” Is all she said. They just stood there for a few minutes, holding each other. Nothing mattered except the other’s touch. The universe was gone- it was just the two of them now. Kaede stopped shaking. The sniffling stopped. She just relaxed into the embrace, saying nothing. The setting sun simply shined down on them both, as it finished its arc across the sky.

Unfortunately, they eventually felt forced to break apart. A feeling of utter bliss lingered with Maki after they broke contact though, and it was so nice that she would be able to feel that again, and again. And that it was Kaede specifically that would allow her to feel that way… that was nice too. 

Maki took a breath. She felt the glorious feeling ebb a bit, and looked Kaede in the eye. 

She had to do something. She had an idea, and prayed it would work. “Listen, play something for me.” She said, her gaze steely and determined. 

Kaede blinked. “What?” Her voice radiated confusion.

“Play a song for me. Play your best piece,” Kaede looks ready to assent, but Maki quickly continued, cutting her off. “But I don’t want you to play it to show how good you are at your talent. I want you to play something because you know I’m the one listening. ” Maki’s voice was soft and warm, radiating pure emotion, trying to convey as much adoration and love to Kaede as possible. Hardly typical for Maki, but she needed Kaede to do this. She brushed her fingers against Kaede’s hand, lovingly touching the calluses. 

“Kaede, your talent? It doesn’t matter. It really doesn’t. You are good at this. You’re an incredibly gifted pianist, somebody that brings joy to people that listen. Brings joy to Shuichi. Brings joy to me. I want you to be able to look at me, after you perform this song, and realize that. So let’s give this a try.” Maki gave her as encouraging a smile as she could muster.

Kaede gave a nod, clearly determined. She walked back to the bench and sat down, getting her slender fingers into position. “Alright. This piece is called ‘Clair de Lune’, by Debussy.” She began. She took a breath. Then she pressed her first finger against a key. And the piece began.

Moments in, Maki closed her eyes, allowing the music to invite her into another world. Every note told a story of its own. Every movement radiated compassion and love. Kaede’s feelings for her were captured in this piece, she could tell. Kaede’s feelings were laid bare to her, and they were wonderful, beautiful feelings. So all-encompassing and powerful. She could feel the tears track down her cheeks. Maki couldn’t believe she’d thought the other song was enchanting. 

All too soon, the song ended. Maki just stood there for a moment. She didn’t mourn the end of the piece- in itself, the following silence was a key part of it. It brought closure, it told her that though the piece was over, it would stay in her memories, in her heart. Forever. 

Maki wiped her face, and opened her eyes. At some point, Kaede had turned around on the bench to face her. Maki knew that she didn’t need to say any words to respond to Kaede’s unspoken question. 

And Kaede got up, and took a bow. A long, sweeping bow, her arm at her side. She looked back up. “Thank you for listening,” She said softly. Something had happened during the song, her voice having recovered some of that Kaede-level cheer and confidence. She wondered if the song had somehow touched her heart as well. 

Maki remembered the song and the feelings contained within it, but mostly, she looked at Kaede. She saw the grin from ear-to-ear, and her radiant smile, knowing Kaede reserved both solely for her. She saw the way that her eyes sparkled, the way they shined in the glimmer of the nearly-set sun. 

And she’d thought that the music had been beautiful.

Maki knew she was grinning from ear to ear at that point, and didn’t even mind. 

“No. Thank you.” 


End file.
